The Inheritance of Loss!
One of the nephews of Grandma-in-law is settled in the UK. Earlier this year, Grandma-in-law visited UK and stayed at her nephew’s place for about six months. They all had a good time especially the nephew’s two kids. Being born and brought up abroad, they miss the company of omnipresent relatives and elders that kids in India enjoy. Both the kids, especially the younger one, got very close to Grandma-in-law.
Sometime in July, Grandma returned home and it so happened that the nephew and his family visited India in August. Father-in-law is generally on a lookout for a reason to arrange family ‘get togethers’ and this Rakshabandhan, everyone met at Father-in-law’s place and had a good time.
When it was time to leave, the nephew’s kids weren’t happy. The younger one, who is a lovely little girl of 5, wanted Grandma to leave with her. The kid cajoled, then pleaded and finally cried. Everyone in the house tried but the little girl wouldn’t listen! She cried her heart out, loud and it was so unbearable, everyone in the house cried!
I have never seen a child cry like this. And I have also not seen a child’s father cry like this! I could understand the sense of helplessness the nephew and his wife would’ve felt! They might also have felt guilty but looking at the nephew cry, I realized his anguish was much more than his kid’s. Being an NRI is difficult, especially if you have left India after two decades of upbringing in a joint family. You go abroad to make money and after years of giving your youth to that country, all you have is money!
Watching the nephew cry, I realized how he must have felt all these years. He would be missing his parents, his cousins, his friends all the while. He must have blamed himself for not being present at his father’s deathbed, he must be terribly worried since his aged mother has chosen to stay back in India. Though he visits India regularly and his relatives and elders have visited him regularly, he knows his kids are missing what he certainly treasured as a child. Somehow, over the years, he has come to terms with the irony of being an NRI but when he sees his child going through the same feeling of loss, he can’t take it any more.
Throughout my career, I have had my fair chances of settling abroad but somehow I have not taken them. I still don’t know whether it has been a wise decision (or otherwise!).
There are times when I curse myself for not settling abroad and then there are times, like these, when I thank myself!
Sometime in July, Grandma returned home and it so happened that the nephew and his family visited India in August. Father-in-law is generally on a lookout for a reason to arrange family ‘get togethers’ and this Rakshabandhan, everyone met at Father-in-law’s place and had a good time.
When it was time to leave, the nephew’s kids weren’t happy. The younger one, who is a lovely little girl of 5, wanted Grandma to leave with her. The kid cajoled, then pleaded and finally cried. Everyone in the house tried but the little girl wouldn’t listen! She cried her heart out, loud and it was so unbearable, everyone in the house cried!
I have never seen a child cry like this. And I have also not seen a child’s father cry like this! I could understand the sense of helplessness the nephew and his wife would’ve felt! They might also have felt guilty but looking at the nephew cry, I realized his anguish was much more than his kid’s. Being an NRI is difficult, especially if you have left India after two decades of upbringing in a joint family. You go abroad to make money and after years of giving your youth to that country, all you have is money!
Watching the nephew cry, I realized how he must have felt all these years. He would be missing his parents, his cousins, his friends all the while. He must have blamed himself for not being present at his father’s deathbed, he must be terribly worried since his aged mother has chosen to stay back in India. Though he visits India regularly and his relatives and elders have visited him regularly, he knows his kids are missing what he certainly treasured as a child. Somehow, over the years, he has come to terms with the irony of being an NRI but when he sees his child going through the same feeling of loss, he can’t take it any more.
Throughout my career, I have had my fair chances of settling abroad but somehow I have not taken them. I still don’t know whether it has been a wise decision (or otherwise!).
There are times when I curse myself for not settling abroad and then there are times, like these, when I thank myself!
posted by Leziblogger at 10:21 PM
6 Comments:
Very nice post Lazy.
At times, we are at such a dilemma that it is difficult for us to clearly decide on one thing unless we are way too Indian(I hope you understand it) to settle abroad or very practical minded.
The nephew's emotions depicted the very truth.. the naked truth. Probably the next generations after being deprived of the warmth of such bonding, will feel a less lost when they grow up.. simply b'coz they won't know what they have missed. I have seen such cases also.
The things mentioned in last paragraph have happened with me too. :-)
Very touching and poignant post, and with a lot of truth in your observations. I can understand, and empathise with the nephew, in fact whole the family.
Cuckoo: Thanks!
Phir wahi 'dilemma' pe marte hai,
phir wahi Zindagi hamari hai!!
I agree that the second generation NRI is less at loss. But then, it also depends a lot on their upbringing while abroad.
Sigma: Thanks! It indeed was a heartbreaking sight for me! Sometimes, I think the NRIs need lots of 'Jadoo Ki jappis'!!!
You've been tagged. Check out!
http://sigma_sm.blogspot.com/2007/11/i-have-been-tagged-by-cuckoo.html
Sigma: Thanks for tagging me! Obviously, on Amazon, 'leziblogger' would yield no results so I decided to search on 'lezi' and found just one result. My best bet was to search on 'lazy' and that has yielded tons of results. I am still sorting through them. Will need some time to pick one of them but will do justice to the tag as soon as I can!
You could try with your real-life name :-)
and just share the results, without your name, of you do not like to share it :-)
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